I’m Happy For You…? 

I’m a good person. 

At least I like to think I am. 

I’m a good friend, at the very least. 

I don’t usually subscribe to the notion that people can be good or bad. I believe that people can do bad things and good things and then be defined by the majority of their actions. 

So, with that being said, I do mostly good things. 
There is one thing however that… I find a little difficult. 

How do I put it? 

I can’t be happy, like genuinely happy, for my friend when something good happens to them unless something better happens to me. 

It’s the most annoying thing and I wish I could stop it because I don’t want to be like that but I honestly can’t. 

Let’s say my friend gets a higher grade than me or an opportunity that I wanted or something. I assume this isn’t something most people would like but I am downright bothered by it. 

I’m not envious in the sense that I want what they have; I want more than what they have. And I don’t like that. 

I’m naturally a competitive person and I’m fine with that, I think it’s helpful actually. 

But I don’t like the negative feeling I get when something good happens to my friend and not to me. 

“They’re your friend, for crying out loud! Be happy for them.”

Yeah yeah, I know. Easier said than done.

And that’s not even the worst part. 

The worst thing is that sometimes I actually feel happy when they fail. 

It’s horrible but true. 

Not when they fail in general but when I surpass their efforts. 

But not like major failure. I don’t know how to put it because I fully sympathise with them and try to offer comfort but I just get this little… sickening thrill at the beginning. 

And that’s a problem. But ah well, I’m working on it and hopefully I’ll move past it because it’s not a nice feeling at all. 

Do you ever feel envious of your friend’s success or happy about their misfortune? How do you deal with that? 

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14 thoughts on “I’m Happy For You…? 

  1. crazykatya says:

    I feel like I’m in the twilight zone reading your post. I was just having an internal discussion with myself on this very topic last week and contemplating a post about it. I struggle with these things as you do. I’ve spent a lot of time pondering and wondering if I am just a selfish person; maybe I really don’t like other people, even though I’m pretty sure I do. Last week I realized that my problem was that I was not happy with the direction I was going in life, and that in turn doesn’t allow me to be happy for others. Even if I don’t even care what they are excelling in, I am jealous that I’m not excelling in anything. This of course is just my inner negativity nagging at me, I am excelling, maybe not at the pace I want or the things I wish, but still moving towards something. I am working on embracing what I can control and trying to be happy for others that do the same. It is not easy!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jemima says:

      It’s not easy at all! My problem is that even when I excel, I’m happier when I know I passed everyone else. Case in point: I got nearly straight As in my previous exam, with one C being the exception. And this other girl gets straight As. And it legit bothered me so much. On one hand, I was happy for her because as girls in Engineering, I know how hard it is to study and I’m pretty sure she’s the highest in the class. But on the other hand, why couldn’t it be me?! The sad part is that I didn’t care about the As so much as the fact that she did better than me. I would have been fine getting a C if she’d gotten one too or preferably something lower.
      So what I’m trying to do is focus on improving myself rather than hoping for other people’s downfall. I feel if I were satisfied with my result I wouldn’t care so much what other people were doing.
      Thanks for sharing your experience; good to know I’m not the only one who gets that way.

      Liked by 1 person

      • crazykatya says:

        Hey good luck with working on yourself! It is not easy, and it takes discipline and drive to examine our own actions and take responsibility for our reality. You should be proud of yourself for accepting you may have flaws and working to turn them into strength.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Jemima says:

      Gosh, is it really? I have wondered about this. Does everyone feel this way? Are we all just pretending to be “good” people or are those saintlike enough to actually put the happiness of other’s before theirs?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Kate says:

    This is one absolutely thought-provoking post. And it’s something that I keep inside. I’m a competitive person myself and I can totally understand this feeling of being a little down. I try to tamp that down though because I feel like it’s something ‘inappropriate’ to feel? Instead, I’ll try to turn it into a challenge for myself. That I have to work better and harder if I want to surpass that success. But that green feeling is always there, kinda like a distant but very audible static at the back of my mind.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Vincent Desmond says:

    I so feel you here, I mean, some days a part of you is saying ‘I know am smarter than him, so why is he doing better in life? ‘ or ‘this guy doesn’t deserve that, he’s just lucky because i know am better ‘ sometimes it’s someone very close to you, and you just feel like, why? God, why is he there and you are here? Even you are better, nicer, finer smarter and all the ‘er ‘ ….me, I’ve come to accept it, because that’s what makes me human
    quirksandoutfits.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Needo's Life says:

    I loove the way you write your posts … girl, keep going! I know I won’t get bored reading them.
    And I do relate to this actually. I think that it’s kind of a normal feeling that any human would have. It’s totally not a big problem and it can be solved easily, I don’t know if I even tried to avoid this feeling but I think I should. But definitely don’t worry about it I know It’ll fade away as soon as possible.

    Liked by 1 person

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