Those Weird Feelings 

​Does anybody ever get these weird feelings? 

Like when you head out of your house and you start feeling like you left the gas on or a tap running even though you know you didn’t because you doublechecked everything because you know you’ll get that feeling when you leave?

Or you’re driving over a bridge or a deep gorge and you start feeling like you should just drive into it because, even though you’re not suicidal, you just wonder how it would feel for the split seconds you’re in the air?
Or how it would feel to have a near death experience and you wonder how people would react if you died and you sort of plan your eulogy and funeral processions in your head?
If a fire or a flood wiped out your every earthly possessions and you had to start all over again from scratch?
It’s the weirdest thing because you don’t want these things to happen to you but at the same time you can’t help but wonder what it would be like if they did.

It’s that niggling feeling you have in the back of your head when everything is going great and you’re just waiting for something to come along and ruin it because surely life can’t be going this smoothly. 

Or is it just me who gets this way? 

Let me know. 

Do you ever feel like this? 

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50 Ways To Deal With One Of Those Days 

You ever have one of those days? I should think everybody has, right? 

Those days where nothing is wrong but nothing feels right either. 

Technically speaking, there’s no cause for unhappiness but you’re not happy all the same. 

Let’s call them… Tapioca days. 

Because, for me, it feels like swimming in a big vat of tapioca: too heavy, too much effort and just weird. 

So – because I do honestly feel like it is possible to be in charge of your emotions and the only person who can bring you down is you – I have drafted a list of things to do for these dreary tapioca days. 

Of course I know there are people who have valid mental issues and it’s not so easy for them to control their emotions but, if you can help it, here you go:

  1. Listen to music 
  2. Arrange your clothes by colour
  3. Read a book
  4. Watch a movie
  5. Pet an animal
  6. Play with crayons
  7. Draw something random
  8. Write down anything
  9. Smile at strangers
  10. Play dress up
  11. Experiment with make up
  12. Eat junk food
  13. Cook something new 
  14. Take a quiz online 
  15. Go for a walk by yourself
  16. Visit a book shop
  17. Watch people
  18. Buy something pretty
  19. Pick flowers
  20. Rearrange furniture
  21. Complement someone
  22. Take pictures
  23. Act like a tourist
  24. Eat Nutella out of the jar 
  25. Laugh at your own jokes
  26. See a play
  27. Meditate
  28. Take a video of yourself
  29. Do a DIY project
  30. Dance around your room
  31. Go to a park
  32. Play on swings
  33. Craft something 
  34. Jump on your bed
  35. Play the Lava game
  36. Chew gum
  37. Talk to someone new
  38. Do yoga
  39. Fly a kite
  40. Climb a tree
  41. Make handprints
  42. Go to an art gallery
  43. Practice breathing techniques
  44. Blow bubbles
  45. Sing along to a musical
  46. Visit a museum
  47. Talk in accents
  48. Remodel something
  49. Take a deep breath
  50. Enjoy nature

    What do you do when you’re feeling down in the dumps? 

    Past Year Resolutions 

    Even though I’m not making any definite resolutions for this year (aside from a general Have a Great Year plan that doesn’t involve any specific actions), I’m going to recap on my 2016 Resolutions (or 2016 To Do List, as it is titled in my journal)

    2016 To-Do List

    • Do a full split

    Yup, I achieved this one.The whole point of my doing yoga is to improve flexibility so it’s not that much of a surprise. I was still pretty pleased when it happened for the first time though. So yay me. 

    • Learn how to play an instrument (I’m thinking guitar)

    I did get a guitar and I named her Bella Belle. I had a couple of lessons with a friend of mine but I lost interest quickly because the strings hurt my fingers and my nails kept getting in the way and I’m a weak ass lil’ bitch. 

    • Finish (or make substantial progress in) writing something 

    I feel like I write this in all my resolutions but lol, nope. 

    • Explore other hobbies (Maybe blogging or something)

    Whoop, totally did this one. And I actually like it so that’s nice for me. 

    • Get a 5.0 GPA

    I didn’t even know this was part of my resolutions. Unfortunately, thanks to one miserable C, this resolution was not achieved. Ah well, there’s always this year. 
    That’s it for my last year resolutions. 

    Did you achieve all your last year resolutions? Any resolutions for this year? Leave me a link in the comments below. 

    New Year, New Me? Lol, nah b. 

    At the end of every year, amidst the celebrations and resolutions, we always see those people with the message: New Year, New Me. 

    My question is, why? 

    Why do you feel the need to change yourself just because an old year was coming to an end? 

    What’s so wrong with you that you feel you need a “new” you for a new year? 

    Why do you feel you have to wait till the end of the year to begin this change of yourself? 

    Are you aware that time is just a human construct and the only difference between 11:59PM 31st December and 12:01AM 1st January is your perception? 

    It’s already 2017 in the GMT+13 time zone so the New Year has basically started. 

    There’s no actual reason to wait until a new year to change yourself or make resolutions or whatever.

    You want to start that diet and work out more? Do it now. 

    You want to be more outgoing? Go for it! 

    You need to cut off some toxic people in your life? Why are you even waiting. 
    If there’s a change you feel you should be making in your life, do it this very second. There’s no sense in waiting for a whole year. The fact that the time has changed doesn’t suddenly give you a clean slate. 

    Don’t wait until the last day of the year to say that the year has passed. The year started passing the moment it began so you have no time to lose. 

    Let your resolutions start effective immediately. 

    So in light of this, I will not be making any resolutions for the new year.

    I will, however, be looking back on my blog. I started this blog March this year and I may not have been as dedicated to it as I’d like to be but I like where it is right now. 

    This is my favorite blog feature. I started this blog partly as a chance to explore other nations and cultures and I have met very interesting people from far away and nearby so I’d say I accomplished that goal. Yay. 

    On that note, I shall end this post. 

    I wish you all the best in 2017. 

    What are your plans for 2017? Any resolutions? Did you achieve your 2016 resolutions? 

    Skam

    Never, so badly in my life, have I ever wanted to speak another language! 

    There’s this Norwegian series, Skam (Shame) and it’s like this high school teenager series but it’s so much more than that because it focuses on real issues and relatable matters (As fun as it might seem, I can’t actually relate to one of my best friends rising from the dead to taunt me or my life being exploited and exposed on social media for the whole world to see or being a vampire/werewolf)

    Okay, to be honest, I only know it deals with real issues because I read it online; I’ve never actually watched it. 

    Why? Because it’s only available in Norwegian and on the production company’s website which is also in Norwegian. 

    I don’t speak Norwegian! Why? Why must this happen to me?! I’m such a good noodle, don’t I deserve happiness?!?!?!?!? 

    Lol, okay, overreaction over. 

    Well, the series is going to be transferred to the US and it’s going to be called Shame and I guess I can watch that when it comes out. 

    Sigh. It’s not the same though. It’s like when you see a Broadway show but not with the original cast. Sure it’s still going to be a good show but there’s just something about that premier cast! 

    And there’s definitely something about Isak and Evan. 

    I’m not going to lie, I love gays. Love ’em. Love everything about ’em. Do I fetishize them? About as much as I fetishize characters in books. So yeah, a bit but not enough to be creepy. Is that perhaps not politically correct and I’m offending someone? Ah well, it be like that sometimes. 
    The point is these two wonderful boys are in love and they have to overcome things and they make out all the time and they’re unbelievably perfect and they’re Canon! Can you imagine! And I don’t get to experience that?!! It’s not faaaaiiiirrrr. Ugh. 

    Plus the cast is so beautiful! Seriously! I have only seen clips of the show and I’m already in love with like all of them! 

    So if I haven’t even seen the show, how do I know I love it so much? 
    It only took one picture for me to know Drarry was the best thing ever and I’ve been committed to them for three years now. 

    When you know, you know. 

    I just… aahh I just want to watch it so bad! 

    My little fangirl self is going to go and binge watch Instagram and YouTube videos. Bye. 

    Update: Apparently I was totally overreacting and there are websites where you can watch/download the series with English subtitles but I can’t do that right now because I don’t have WiFi and I’m not about to use my own data plan. But yay anyway. 

    It’s Starting To Feel A Lot Like… Nothing. 

    Christmas is three days and I just now realised that. 

    What happened? 

    10 years ago, I would have been so excited for Christmas! The tree would be up and my hair would be done and I’d have the most gorgeous dress to wear to church on Sunday (because that’s what Christmas in Nigeria is like: You do your Christmas hair and buy your Christmas clothes then go to church and you come home or go to any Christmas party and eat jollof rice and fried rice with coleslaw, plantain, turkey, chicken and lots of drinks.)

    But over the years the excitement waned and waned till it got to this point: 3 days to Christmas and I’m still carrying the same weave I had on last month, no new dresses or shoes and not even a sign of a list for food ingredients. Presents? Ha. 

    So how did it get this bad? 

    I don’t know. 

    It just kinda crept up slowly and I don’t think we realise it until suddenly it’s the 28th and you’re like “Oh that’s right, there was Christmas.”

    I don’t like it one bit.

    And I know it’s not just me because people have been saying “It just doesn’t feel like Christmas.”

    Because Christmas is honestly a feeling. I don’t know how to describe it exactly but it’s a warm feeling in your stomach and a fizzy feeling in your heart and a clear feeling in your head. It’s like the excitement and anticipation because you know with Christmas comes a new year and lots of presents and family fun time and all that. 

    But that feeling is just gone now. Poof. Vanished. 

    Maybe it’s because Nigeria is in a recession right now and people may not be feeling particularly festive but I think it was a long time coming. 

    I don’t think it’s possible for a holiday to be forgotten or cancelled but it is possible for it to just be ignored yeah? 

    Sigh. I miss you, Christmas. Do come back. 

    I’m going to end this slightly depressing post now. 

    How are you feeling about Christmas? Do you have any plans? Are you even feeling Christmas? 


    Places to Go, Lives to Live

    I’ve never actually met anyone that goes “I love staying in the same place and doing the same things every single day and that’s what I want to do with the rest of my life”

    That’s not to say that they don’t exist or there’s any thing wrong with that, I’ve just never met anyone like that. 

    This world is a huge diverse place and the fact that someone would be okay staying in their own little corner of it and never exploring other places baffles me. 

    Of course, hard as it may be to believe, there are people who have no idea how much of the world there. Like those in really deep rural areas. And yeah they’re satisfied with their lot because that’s all they know. 

    But that’s not all I know. 

    Gosh! I want to travel. 

    I want to see the world, visit every continent, heck, travel to outer space. 

    I want to look over the River Siene at night, watch the Aureora Burealis, glide of the statue of Jesus, bungee jump off Niagara falls. There’s so much to do in this world! 

    And I’m not in the position to experience that right now but when I am, I will. 

    Where have you travelled to? How was it? Where’s your dream travel location? 

    I Am Not Amused. 

    I’m pissed. 

    I’m seriously pissed. 

    I am so angry right now. 

    The reason I’m so mad is… well it may seem silly to most but it’s a reason all the same. 

    I read this fanfiction on AO3 where Draco Malfoy takes polyjuice and is gangraped by the Gryffindor boys in his year. 

    Obviously I would be pissed at any form of rape. 

    But I am actually irrationally angry right now and I say “irrationally” because these are fictional characters. 

    And, on some level, I know they are fictional characters but… I have invested so much of my life into fanfiction and, at some point, these characters become people to you.

    So the fact that someone would write about something so depraved happening to what I consider a fellow person pisses me off so bloody much! 

    Argh! I want to take the writer and just… gah! 

    And I can’t leave a scathing comment because I make a point not to put down anybody’s efforts or work, no matter how terrible or depraved they may be. Stupid principles. 

    Of course, the mark of a good writer is to make the reader feel something and that something doesn’t always have to be good but… I don’t know how to put it. 

    I read some of the author’s other works and apparently dubious or no consent at all seems to be a large theme in their works. 

    I know that what people write about doesn’t necessarily reflect their person but I do believe that how you write does. 

    Like let’s say you write a very graphic abuse scene? No problem there, it’s your imagination. 

    But now, let’s say you write about a graphic child abuse scene from the point of the abuser and you make a point to justify the actions of the abuser and blame the child for these actions. And not in a way that it seems like you’re writing from the view of the abuser but rather that you are trying to convince the reader that the abuser is justified in their abusive tendencies when it’s blatantly obvious that they are not. 

    Does that make sense? 

    I don’t know. 

    I’m less pissed now though. 

    Urgh, I just remembered Umbridge from Harry Potter. I could not stand that bitch! 

    I… think I’m in an irritable mood tonight. 

    Is there any thing that pisses you off when reading? 

    What’s Your Passion? 

    I have this problem with writing about things I like. Like things I really like. Even writing this post is proving to be a challenge so I’m just going to write whatever comes to mind so pardon the word vomit. I might edit it when I’m done but I’m going to try not to remove anything because I have a tendency to do that. 

    Alright, let’s get back on track. I’m proud to say I have a lot of interests and they are rather varying and delightful. And I also like the fact that I have things I’m interested in because they’re part of what form me as a person. 

    Unfortunately, I have a problem with gushing about things. In real life? Nope, no problem there. I’d rather drive people to the brink of nausea than stop talking about things I love. 

    On my blog? That’s a bit harder. 

    I think the reason is because I feel I won’t do justice to it. Like there’s this absolutely amazing thing that brings me joy and happiness and unimaginable feelings and you expect me to be able to put all that into words? C’est impossible! 

    And I think there’s also another minor part of me that feels that people won’t like it or maybe there’ll be people who like it more than me and they’ll criticise me because I have no idea what I’m talking about. And I hate that. The feeling, not the people. Because I’m literally always saying “Write for you and no one else” yet here I am bothering about people’s opinions. 

    I love when people are talking about their passions because their eyes just light up and they get very expressive and emotional and you know, you can just tell, that this is something important to them. 

    Neville Longbottom comes to mind strangely enough. Like everybody else was so gung ho about Quidditch and the Boy Who Lived and all what not but Neville was just this quiet little boy who loved plants. And that didn’t define him but it definitely gave him character. Like I can just imagine Neville in the common room going on about the benefits of this particular plant against another and maybe everybody is just rolling their eyes because “Yeah, we know, Neville. You’ve said this a million times.” But then someone, just one person, shows a bit of interest and Neville just lights the heck up because here’s someone who cares, who wants to listen to what I have to say and you just know there’s going to be a lot of it.

    That’s what I love about passion. You can never be angry or sad when you’re talking about things you love. And unlike people or animals, your interest is going to leave you or die or anything because it’s probably infinite and maybe this isn’t a comforting thought to some but to me it’s brilliant to think that even when I die, something I love just goes on forever. Even if I’m not there to experience it, I’d like to believe a part of me lingers on in it. 

    So anyway the point of this post is to say that I’m going to start writing about things I like. I like reading other people’s posts about their day or their lives and all that because a major part of why I joined the blogging community is to experience things from all over the world. Even if I can’t go there or see these places, I can step into someone else’s life for just a post and that’s pretty amazing. 

    Anyway, it’s 12 Am and I’m just writing this without any form of structure or what so I might read this later and hate it but I will try not to edit it because I was really trying to be as raw as I possibly could on this post. 

    So I’m going to post this now. 

    Tell me something you love. Anything at all. And, please, go on at length about it. I want to hear all about it. 

    I’m Happy For You…? 

    I’m a good person. 

    At least I like to think I am. 

    I’m a good friend, at the very least. 

    I don’t usually subscribe to the notion that people can be good or bad. I believe that people can do bad things and good things and then be defined by the majority of their actions. 

    So, with that being said, I do mostly good things. 
    There is one thing however that… I find a little difficult. 

    How do I put it? 

    I can’t be happy, like genuinely happy, for my friend when something good happens to them unless something better happens to me. 

    It’s the most annoying thing and I wish I could stop it because I don’t want to be like that but I honestly can’t. 

    Let’s say my friend gets a higher grade than me or an opportunity that I wanted or something. I assume this isn’t something most people would like but I am downright bothered by it. 

    I’m not envious in the sense that I want what they have; I want more than what they have. And I don’t like that. 

    I’m naturally a competitive person and I’m fine with that, I think it’s helpful actually. 

    But I don’t like the negative feeling I get when something good happens to my friend and not to me. 

    “They’re your friend, for crying out loud! Be happy for them.”

    Yeah yeah, I know. Easier said than done.

    And that’s not even the worst part. 

    The worst thing is that sometimes I actually feel happy when they fail. 

    It’s horrible but true. 

    Not when they fail in general but when I surpass their efforts. 

    But not like major failure. I don’t know how to put it because I fully sympathise with them and try to offer comfort but I just get this little… sickening thrill at the beginning. 

    And that’s a problem. But ah well, I’m working on it and hopefully I’ll move past it because it’s not a nice feeling at all. 

    Do you ever feel envious of your friend’s success or happy about their misfortune? How do you deal with that?